Who are you?

       Spring semester 2011, I was a Resident Adviser which allowed me to have a room to myself.  I decided that it was time to figure out exactly who I was. In our society today, we are given so many signs and labels that tell us who we are. I was tired of living with all of these labels that were attached to me I wasn't for sure were even me. So I asked myself, "Jacob, who the hell are you?" I remember it very vividly. It was late and the only light on was my desk light. I put my elbows on my desk and put my head down and began to cry. For the first time, I was asking myself what I needed to ask myself long before.
       I started with the basics and told myself to make a list. I am a son and a brother. I am a child of God. I am a grandson, nephew, and cousin. I am a friend. I am a student. I am a singer. And that is when things started to become difficult. Because those were all things I was actively doing and could see. I am kind. I am a worrier. I am caring. I then began to remove the dust and the dirt from an identity I thought I had buried deep inside of me and would never have to think about again. "I am gay" I whispered out loud. In the dark room, I finally admitted to myself that the thing that made me different from other people was that I was gay.
       I have always seen everyone as equal. My mantra has always been if you bleed red blood and have emotions, then I love you, unless you prove differently. I have always been able to see two sides of a story. I have always seen people as just that, people. I never understood why people would discriminate against others. Some people, I'm sure had thought that since I was an equal supporter, that is what made me gay. But going back to that late January night, the thought of me being gay was not the first time. It was the first time I was letting myself admit it. I had always found guys attractive.
       Growing up, guys always talk about what girl is the hottest and what your type was. My go to things was Jennifer Aniston and personality. Now, I do find Jennifer Aniston as a very beautiful woman and personality is still very important in finding a partner. But I have never been sexually or physically attracted to a woman.
        After that night, I had to then build up the courage to tell my friends who I truly was. The first person who came to my mind was a friend who was also an RA and lived just down the hall. He was openly gay and I knew that he would be able to help me and be there for me as I told other people. When I finally built up the courage to tell him, I decided to text him: "I have something to tell you and if I don't bring it up, make me, cause I have to tell you." I did this because otherwise I would have the intention of going to tell him, but wouldn't follow through. I did follow through. After the Super Bowl game (Feb. 6), I stopped by his room. Sitting in a desk chair, looking at a clock on the wall behind him I admitted for the first time to someone, "I am gay." His reaction was amazing, "Okay." It brought a thousand pounds of weight and stress off my shoulders that someone else knew besides me. I then told other friends and their reaction was the same. I was amazed that these people I was scared of how they would react, were simply just opening their arms and loving me.
      I have been blessed because I know that I am lucky. Many people who are LGBT are not accepted by their friends. Many loose contact with their friends because they are not comfortable or understand it. I am truly thankful for my friends for opening their arms to me and loving me. There isn't a day that goes by, that I think about how truly blessed I am for that!

Summer 2012

As many of you know, I am not in my hometown this summer. Instead, I am starting my adventure in Des Moines, Iowa. I am working with a non-profit organization called Iowa Safe Schools. Iowa Safe Schools works to prevent bullying in schools against LGBT youth. I have a strong passion in the organization as I identify myself as being gay (I will post more about this soon). I have loved working with the organization and have had the opportunity to write some amazing grants and do some great research for resources that will help many education professionals, parents, health professionals, and community members find ways to include LGBT youth. To learn more about Iowa Safe Schools, click here! Working with the organization has opened my eyes into the ways non-profit organizations earn money, the workings of one, and how to work on many projects at once and get them all done in a timely manner. It has been a great experience and I have loved living in a big city, at least bigger than my hometown.
 I am also working at American Eagle at Jordan Creek and have had a blast and learned more about myself by working there as well. I have never worked in retail before, but I have loved every minute!!